Feeling nervous when you meet someone new, sweaty hands when you have to ask your boss something, being afraid to tell others what you really think: these are all examples of Social Anxiety.
Many people might have heard about Social Anxiety, but don’t know what it is exactly.Therefore, in this blog post I’ll explain what Social Anxiety is, how you can recognise it, and in which situations Social Anxiety is most common.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social Anxiety is the fear of being judged negatively by others. If you have Social Anxiety you’re highly self-conscious. This means that you’re constantly thinking about what others might think of you. Also, you prepare thoroughly what you’ll be saying in conversations, in order to cause a good impression. Furthermore you can prepare a meeting with friends for days or weeks.
Also, when you’re around other people you might have physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, blushing, or tightness in the chest. When you’re around other people, you might focus more on their “performance” then on the interaction with the other person. This can cause you to have problems concentrating, and you might actually give a worse impression because of this. If some of these symptoms are common in you, then you might suffer from Social Anxiety.
Symptoms of Social Anxiety
If you suffer from Social Anxiety you might recognize the following symptoms:
- You’re anxious or really nervous when you’re around other people
- You’re very afraid that other people might judge you and that they might think negatively of you.
- You’re highly self-conscious in front of other people.
- You’re anxious when you have to perform in front of others.
- You can worry and/or prepare yourself for days or weeks before a social event.
- You stay away from places or events with other people.
- You blush, sweat, tremble, or feel tightness around the chest when you’re with other people.
- You focus so much on your own performance during conversations with others that you have difficulties concentrating.
What happens when you have Social Anxiety?
It is quite common to experience Social Anxiety. Think about having to give a presentation, or introducing yourself to someone you don’t know yet. Most people would at least be a little bit nervous in this situation. If you have Social Anxiety, your presentation might go somewhat like this:
You walk on stage. You check the faces of your colleagues briefly because you’re already feeling overwhelmed. Now they’re still looking interested, but soon they might see what a failure you are. You look closely at your presentation cards, sure that you will forget everything once you open your mouth.
The only thing you can think about is that you’re going to make many mistakes and that everyone will notice. You start sweating and see how your hands are trembling. You’re sure that everyone will notice. You’re afraid of getting a blackout and not being able to say anything. Once you introduce yourself, you see that your colleague Karen is not paying you attention.
You say to yourself “you see, no one is interested in your presentation, you should have picked another subject”. When at the end of your presentation everybody’s clapping, you think they’re only doing this out of pity. They’ve all seen how you were stuttering. The only thing on your mind is that your boss might fire you, because of this horrible presentation…
Social Anxiety can affect you on many levels
As you can see, Social Anxiety can affect you on many levels:
- You think that others will criticize you or think of you negatively. Even though others don’t say anything, you already think that they are criticizing you.
- You don’t belief in your own capability. For example, in this story the main character didn’t belief she could give a good presentation, even though she had properly prepared it.
- You have physical symptoms and think that everyone will notice. People with Social Anxiety are very worried about other people noticing their physical symptoms. They are afraid that others will see them as weird or strange.
- You minimize positive feedback. If you get positive feedback you will usually not accept it, because you’re focussing more on your mistakes then on your general performance.
- You maximize the negative consequences. You think that if you make a mistake, others will react really heavily in response. For example, you might think that they don’t want to see you anymore or as the main character in this story, that you will be fired.
In which situations do people with Social Anxiety feel anxious?
If you have Social Anxiety there are many different situations in which you might feel anxious or nervous. Especially situations in which you can be judged or in which you’ll be evaluated like the following:
- Meeting new people
- Being in groups
- Speaking in public
- Being the center of attention
- Asking questions or giving their opinion
- Talking on the phone
- Talking to people of authority (professors, boss)
- Being watched while doing something
Many people with Social Anxiety avoid social situations. They simply don’t go or they invent an excuse like “I’m feeling tired” or “I’m busy”. Sometimes this is not even a conscious decision. They feel that they’re unmotivated, but don’t recognize this feeling as Social Anxiety.
Common thoughts in people with Social Anxiety
- I don’t match up to him/her. People with Social Anxiety commonly compare themselves to other people. They think that they’re less smart, less beautiful, or less funny than other people. These thoughts add to their anxiety.
- Anything I say will sound stupid. This is a common thought in people with Social Anxiety. They fear, without reason, that they are unable to make a smart or nice comment and that others will see them as stupid or incapable.
- They won’t like me. People with Social Anxiety usually think that others have really high expectations of them. They think that they have to “perform” perfectly, or else they won’t be liked. This level of perfection is hardly reached because of their high standards. That’s why these thoughts cause even greater fear in people with Social Anxiety
- I’ll get nervous and everyone will notice. People who suffer from Social Anxiety have the thought that they’re transparent to others. That is, they think that others can see if they’re relaxed or nervous. Of course, others can notice when you’re feeling nervous or stressed, but people with Social Anxiety think that everybody will notice and that they will think negatively of them because of this.
How can Social Anxiety be treated?
Social Anxiety can be treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, integrative therapy, or medication.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most effective psychotherapy for Social Anxiety. It helps you to challenge negative thoughts, to change your behaviour and to learn social skills, in order to feel less anxious and more confident. When treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Social Anxiety has a good prognosis.
The integrative therapy that I use combines techniques of CBT with a profound and exhaustive analysis of the cause of your anxiety. You won’t only learn how to manage anxiety but we will also work on its causes. This approach makes sure that the anxiety is less likely to come back and it’s even possible to cure it completely.
A psychiatrist can prescribe you medication, like antidepressants (SSRI’s). This can help to reduce the symptoms of you anxiety and to give you more confidence. However, medication can cause you side effects, and after you stop taking them, usually their effect remits.
Social Anxiety is common in most of us.
If you suffer from it, even though it’s just every once in a while, it’s good to know that therapy can help you to feel more confident in social situations.
If you would like to know more about how I can help you to feel more confident, you can contact me through the contact page or call me on: + 34 616 341 631.
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