Expat problems Archives - Lisette Zeeuw M.Sc.

Life is full of surprises and there you are: You find yourself with the opportunity to move to another country and become an expat. In the beginning you might have doubted but in the end you decided you liked the idea of a new adventure and you decided to dive in.

But now it comes…

Your family and friends are not happy.

They might be telling you not to go, warning you about how difficult the move might be or they might even become very angry at you.

In this article I’ll explain you how to cope when your loved ones don’t want you to leave.

Expat Problems: How to Deal with friends and family who stay

When you move, it can be difficult for your loved ones to accept this.

When you’re loved ones don’t agree.

So yes, you’ve decided to leave. Maybe you’ve already found a house in your new home town. Maybe you’re already preparing for the big move.

But you’ve noticed that your friends and/or family are not that happy with the idea. They might have made some negative comments like “shame I won’t get to see you anymore” or “why won’t you just stay here, it’s more convenient for all of us”. They might constantly tell you not to do it or to come back. They might have even stopped talking to you.

You find yourself in a difficult situation. Moving is already a big decision and knowing that the home front doesn’t agree makes this so much more difficult.

So what can you do in this situation?

Listen

This the most important thing to do. Ask them why they don’t want you to leave. Is there something they worry about? Maybe they don’t know if the country is safe. Or maybe they are unsure about if they will still see you? It could just be that they are afraid about where you will be living, or if it will be easy for them to visit you.

Take the time to talk about these issues and explain them everything. Answer any questions they might have. Tell them where you will be living. Show them some pictures of your new home town. Most of the time when people don’t want you to do something it’s because they feel insecure.

But what if they’re really angry?

It is not uncommon for family and friends to become angry when their loved one decides to leave. Try to think that they’re not actually angry with you. They are just afraid of losing you and having to miss you. It can help to promise them that you will keep in contact with them on a regular basis. Luckily, with Skype and email this is easier than ever.

Also, tell them they’re welcome to stay with you and that you will visit them frequently. Furthermore, give them time. They need to be able to see that you keep up with your promises. Most people in the end will accept the fact that you’re living somewhere else. They just need prove that you won’t disappear out of their lives.

They make me doubt

And what if they make me doubt? Of course, they might not be the only ones who have their doubts about you moving. You might have your worries too. What if things go wrong? What if I don’t like my new neighborhood? What if I don’t find any new friends?

These are all relevant questions and it’s important to consider them when you move. However, don’t let other people change your mind.

Think about why you wanted to go in the first place. Talk to some people who support you. There might even be some people around you who want to move themselves!

Also, think that in your new country you won’t be alone. There are probably many other expats. You could try to contact them and ask them about their experience. This way, you will be more prepared when you arrive and you can prevent certain mistakes they might have made.

Don’t miss your chance

But most of all don’t get discouraged! The expat life can bring you an awesome experience that you might never have again. Try to take your family and friends on board with your ideas as much as possible and let them know you won’t forget about them. In the end, it’s a decision that everyone needs to adapt to. But it can be one of the most exciting decisions in your life!

If you would like to know more about how to cope with your loved ones not wanting you to go, and you would like to work on this, you can call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation on +34 616 341 631, or send an e-mail through the contact form.

Life as an expat can be difficult. You’re in another country, away from your friends and family and in a new work environment. However, the most difficult part of being an expat can be the loneliness. Not having someone at home waiting for you, missing your friends and family, not knowing anyone in your neighbourhood… It can all make you feel disconnected and isolated. But this does not have to be this way. In this blog post I explain how to fight it and how to expand your social circle.

How to fight loneliness and expand your social circle

When you’re feeling lonely your first response might be to think that you might have made the wrong choice moving, or to buy a plane ticket for the next plane home. But don’t worry, even though it might seem tough in the beginning, you can build a social circle again soon by following the next tips:

Be kind to yourself when you’re feeling lonely

It is important to be kind to yourself when you’re feeling lonely. You are in another country, another culture, and without your routine support. It is normal to feel lonely and you’re not the only one who feels this way, so be nice to yourself. Allow yourself to be sad or to feel homesick, and do something you like to cheer yourself up.

Join a group

The best way to meet people and to start feeling better is to join a group. You can join a group related to your hobbies like running, knitting, hiking, photography, or join a local sports club. But also there are many groups that just gather in order to meet new people. Try to find a group you feel comfortable with and try out several different ones. Good platforms to get to know people with similar interests are:

Meetup. An online site where people organize all kinds of activities. If your favorite activity is missing, you can even create your own meetup group.
Internations. Internations is an online expat community that organizes monthly events for both locals and expats to meet new people. Also, there are several groups like the salsa dancing group or the local food lovers group that you can join to engage in weekly activities.
FaceBook groups. FaceBook groups is a great place to meet people. There are many expat and local FaceBook groups that organize meetings and activities. Just type expat + the name of your new city/country and see what pops up.

Learn the local language

Learning the local language can help to fight loneliness in two ways: first of all when you learn a language at a language school, there are other students. When I moved to Barcelona I got many of my first contacts through the language school and some of them are still very good friends!

Also, learning the language can help you to feel more integrated. By being able to talk to locals, you might not only have more social contact, it might also open doors to unexpected friendships. Many people are scared when they speak in a foreign language, but don’t worry. Locals will appreciate your efforts and lend you a hand when you’re stuck. Moreover, if you don’t get something feel free to ask, I still learn new words and expressions every day by just asking.

Talk to local store owners

An important part of fighting loneliness is to feel part of the local community. When you start visiting local store owners instead of chain stores, you do not only show good faith to the local community, but also you get to know local people. Having some small talk might not seem crucial now but it can definitely help towards feeling more integrated on the long run. Just the fact of being greeted or smiled at by the baker or newspaper guy can make your day and you might even get great connections out of it.

Meet your neighbours

Many people are scared to meet the neighbors. However, meeting the neighbors does not have to be a scary thing. Why not host an open house day for all the neighbors of your block or flat? Also, you could throw a note through the doors of your neighbors in which you invite them over for a coffee. And if you’re really brave you could ring the bell and introduce yourself. Meeting the neighbors can be great, not only for doing activities together. It can also be useful when you have a problem or if you’re going on holidays. And don’t forget, this way your neighbors might feel less lonely too!

Do the things that make you feel at home

It is important that your new country will feel as your home. So take some time to decorate your house with things you like and make you feel comfortable. Take a subscription to your favorite newspaper. Take a pet if you’re a pet lover. All these things might seem trivial but coming home to a house that feels yours, can do a great job in fighting loneliness.

Have a backup plan

Sometimes loneliness will hit you hard even though you’ve done your best to prevent it. Don’t let yourself get surprised by it and make a backup plan.Try to make a list of things to do, ir order to feel better when you’re feeling lonely. Things to include on the list could be the following: calling a friend through Skype that always manages to cheer you up, go outside to take a walk, do your favorite sport or hobby, ask a colleague to have dinner together or any other thing that might make you feel better than you do now.

Summarizing, the expat life can be difficult and lonely but it doesn’t have to be. There are many things you can do to feel better. Please feel free to share your tips and experiences.

If you feel like you’re struggling you can always call me at +34 616 341 631 or make an appointment through the contact form.

Category Archives: Expat problems

Expat Problems: When your loved ones don’t want you to go